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Update 8/29/2017: The Rest and Art in “Restart”

A month and a half ago, I outlined a new plan and purpose for this blog. I’m still excited about those prospects. Provided, of course, that I find the time to refurnish the blog after finishing my marketing research and finding a steady job. Which is part of the problem.

I established the “1,250 words a week” goal to ensure I’m always putting some work out on a regular basis. I’ve seen what happens when content creators disappear for too long and become forgotten. But I’ve also seen what happens when a content creator fills their site with low-effort, innocuous shit that no one really wants. I like what I put on this blog, and I’m thankful for every like and comment I receive. However, as of right now, it’s impossible to tell what’s really “clicking” with my audience… and until I take some time to figure out my audience, this problem will only get worse.

So, yes, another hiatus. When I get back, I hope to have a strategy for engaging with others, so I don’t have to worry about burnout again. I’ll also share relevant blog posts I enjoy after a while. I’m a little ashamed to be letting down my personal goals like this. But I’d be even more ashamed to choke up the mailboxes of my (few, but well-loved) fans with random frivolities. I’ll see you under sunnier skies.

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Two Silly Skits About Hamlet

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Hamlet: A School Play

Performed by Mr. Branagh’s Kindergarten Class (adapted by Nick Edinger)

 

GUARD stands outside.

 

GUARD

This is the story of Hamlet. I am a guard for the state of Denmark.

 

GHOST

(Offstage)

Boo.

 

GUARD

Oh no it is a ghost and I am frightened.

 

HAMLET enters.

 

GUARD

Hamlet there is a ghost outside and I am frightened.

 

HAMLET

That is ok because I will talk to the ghost and I am a prince.

 

GUARD leaves.

 

GHOST

(Offstage)

Boo.

 

HAMLET

Talk to me ghost I am not afraid of you.

 

GHOST

(Offstage)

I am your father.

 

HAMLET

Hooray!

 

GHOST

(Offstage)

Your uncle the king gave me a snake and now I am dead.

 

HAMLET

Oh no! I shall a-ven-age you!

 

GHOST

(Offstage)

Swear!

 

HAMLET

(Out-of-character)

But my mom won’t let me.

 

DIRECTOR

(Offstage)

The line is “ok.”

 

HAMLET

Ok!

 

CLAUDIUS enters.

 

CLAUDIUS

How are you Hamlet? Mwa ha ha ha ha ha.

 

HAMLET

I want to tell you a story, Uncle Claudius.

 

CLAUDIUS

You may tell me a story, Hamlet. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha.

 

HAMLET

It is about a boy named Hamlet and his dad named Hamlet. Hamlet’s big bad brother Claudius gave Hamlet a snake and Hamlet died, which made Hamlet sad. Does that sound familiar?

 

CLAUDIUS

It does, Hamlet. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha.

 

HAMLET

Oh no! Claudius is the bad guy!

 

CLAUDIUS

That’s right and now I am going to send you away to England. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha.

 

HAMLET

Oh no!

 

HAMLET leaves.

 

HAMLET returns.

 

HAMLET

Ok I am back from England now. I got to see Big Ben the Clock Tower. I can’t wait to tell my friend Yo-rick about my vacation. Oh wait, Yo-rick is dead. A lass, poor Yo-rick, I knew him. A most exce- exa- exca- he was a good guy.

 

CLAUDIUS

Hamlet is back, oh no! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha.

 

HAMLET

Claudius, I channelage-

 

DIRECTOR

(Offstage)

“Challenge”

 

HAMLET

That’s what I said, channelage.

 

DIRECTOR

(Offstage)

“Challenge”

 

HAMLET

(Out of character)

Shut up! You’re not the boss of me!

 

HAMLET runs to the edge of the stage, crying loudly. DIRECTOR enters, takes the script that HAMLET dropped.

 

DIRECTOR

Umm… hi folks. Due to emotional conflicts, the role of Hamlet will be played by me, the director. Ahem. “Claudius, I challenge you to a duel!”

 

CLAUDIUS

But I am a coward. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha.

 

DIRECTOR

Then we shall play a video game!

 

CLAUDIUS pulls out a controller. DIRECTOR steals controller from HAMLET. They play a video game for five seconds.

 

DIRECTOR

Yes! I am victerious!

 

Fuck! I meant victorious.

 

CLAUDIUS

You win, Hamlet. You win this juicebox. Drink it, mwa ha ha ha ha ha.

 

DIRECTOR

That is poison. You drink it first.

 

CLAUDIUS

Ok. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha.

 

CLAUDIUS drinks.

 

CLAUDIUS

Oh no, it is poison and I am dead. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha.

 

DIRECTOR

I win! Truly good wins in the end.

 

DIRECTOR drags HAMLET, who is still crying, back onstage. The cast links arms around each other.

 

EVERYBODY

To be or not to be, that is the question!

 

DIRECTOR

Stop crying, you pussy.

 

BLACKOUT

 

Continue reading “Two Silly Skits About Hamlet”

: mark me absent :

I love Whirly Girl’s voice, and this post (or non-post) displays more of her characteristic, innocent rambling. Check her blog out if you have the chance! Her work usually brightens my mood.

the whirly girl


There will be no post today, seems I’ve misplaced my motivation. Oh, it’s around here somewhere, I just can’t lay my hands on any enthusiasm at the moment. And I really don’t have the energy to go looking for it. Hell, motivation could be anywhere, you know? It’s as slippery and elusive as ideas tend to be. One minute here, the next minute gone  — * poof *

I don’t have a note from my doctor; I wasn’t called for jury duty; I just don’t feel like doing a post, okay? I don’t feel like doing anything, frankly. I need a day to wallow in sunshine, immersed in a book. My only goal at the moment is avoiding reality.

The planet Earth, unfortunately, offers no rest for the weary at present. And I’m really, really weary. Bigly weary. So I’ll take refuge in an alternate reality; do like an…

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Get Back To School With The Official Testing Metagame Guide!

o-BACK-TO-SCHOOL-facebook

It’s time for school to start… for all you suckers out there! I graduated college in May, so my Augusts can now be stress-free until I’m desperate enough to try for a Masters.

 

At any rate, I’ve done enough school to figure out how standardized tests work. An English Major like me prefers essays, of course. So I had to learn pretended mastery over subjects I’m not that good at remembering.

 

If you’re a bad test taker, or you just want to find the most efficient/easy way to study, then I recommend you download the attached guide. It details everything I’ve learned in my decades of schooling, complete with advice, strategies, and a look at my test-taking thought process. Plus, it’s free! How about that! Click on the link below to download.

How to Take Tests

Lending Libraries

I love ‘em! More than that, lending libraries provide a great excuse for introverted readers to get outdoors. I enjoy walking as exercise, especially outside during such a lovely summer. But when you spend an hour and a half of your weekdays walking around the same town, you get bored faster than you get fit. The best way to exercise is to give yourself a goal.

 

So when I walk, I find as many lending libraries as I can. For the uninformed, here’s how they work. A lending library looks like a little house on a post. They’re often found in front lawns. Inside those little houses, you’ll find various books of unpredictable quality. The policy is simple: if you take a book, you must leave a book. It’s the perfect way for you to clean out your old books without stress, and to find new books without money. It is acceptable for you to take out a Margaret Atwood novel and replace it with a children’s picture book (but if you do, you’re probably the type who puts a basket of those complimentary saltine crackers in your purse).

 

Each time I found a lending library in my hometown (or in Iowa), I took a picture. 3 months and 15 lost pounds later, here are some of the best!

Continue reading “Lending Libraries”

Word Salad Spinner’s Favorite Songs (Honorable Mentions!)

I’m not done milking this concept yet! Here are some songs that are as much a part of me as the actual Best 5 and Second-Best 5. However, none of these songs represent a particular favorite musical style or artist… though you will see a few (favorite ‘x’)s here. In semi-random order…

Continue reading “Word Salad Spinner’s Favorite Songs (Honorable Mentions!)”