What happens when three people who think they’re Jesus live in the same apartment? A while back, I wrote a play about that! Though I like where it is now, it can always be improved. Here’s some technical information for the curious. But if this is boring and you want to see the fireworks, start here!
THE SON, THE SON, AND THE SON
By Nick Edinger
Inspired by “The Three Christs of Ypsilanti,” by Milton Rokeach
CAST OF CHARACTERS
A psychology student. She carries with her a backpack overflowing with papers. Her makeup is spotty. She wears prop reading glasses. An expert at imitations, she carries out several ‘social experiments’ to learn more about other people, and about who she doesn’t want to look like. Can’t keep a personal bubble when talking with someone.
CONWAY DE PLASKETT
A 65-year-old, homeless, paranoid schizophrenic. Believes he’s Jesus. He wears many layers of clothing, and glasses that hurt his eyes when he uses them. His unwashed beard covers his portly chest. When not studying Spain, he spends his time on ‘quests’ to save Spain. Was born in Missouri.
PEARL (ADONIJAH) BURAKGAZI
A 49-year-old, homeless, paranoid schizophrenic. Believes he’s Jesus. He wears a pinstripe suit, sleeps standing up. His face is blank until he’s furious. Pearl talks circles around anyone who will listen, especially regarding symbolism. He’s skin and bone, but would rather that we not ground ourselves on the maliciously brain-scouring materialism of the now.
A 77-year-old, homeless, paranoid schizophrenic. Believes he’s Jesus. Orson doesn’t talk much, but does mutter rambles under his breath when no one’s listening. Nearly toothless, his skin is soft and smooth underneath his mammoth beard. Would stop complaining if you gave him a good comic book, or some chicks.
Idealistic, if caustic, on-and-off-again girlfriend of Sabina. Her personal hygiene’s a mess. When not serving as a waitress or going to a play with her lover, she can be found working with a charity service that singles out drug addicts to support. To her, she’s the only one cleaning up the apartment and being honest.
TOURISTS 1 & 2
They’re watching the crazy man who thinks he’s Jesus in the first scene.
Naïve and formal. Other than that, just a cop. Best played by Tourist 1
VOICE FROM OUTSIDE/ ANNOUNCER
He can’t feel his legs. Best played by Tourist 2
Up to no good. Best if played by Tourist 2
James-Bond-style femme fatale. Best if played by Tourist 1
James Bond villain. Best if played by Orson Argall
Orson’s father. Dashing, but still crazy. Best if played by Tourist 2
A talking Lamp. Best if played by Pearl.
Crazy beggar lady. Best if played by Tourist 1
REPORTERS 1 & 2
Reporting and taking pictures of the Academy Awards. Best if played by Tourists 1 and 2.
Mother of Adonijah (Pearl) Burakgazi. Obsessively religious, not particularly good at English. In tears over her runaway son. Best if played by Tourist 1.
The stage is divided into two segments. Stage Right is a cramped, dirty city. The center building has only one door and a sign above it that reads “College of Psychology”. Two benches occupy the city square. On the very outskirts of Stage Right sits a podium. Stage Left represents an apartment with a desk, two chairs, a dresser, a vacuum cleaner, and a bed. The bed is littered with various novelty prank items: a Chinese finger trap, a can with a spring-up worm, a fishing rod with a fake $100 bill attached to it, and so on. Books are scattered on the floor. The top of the desk is crammed with papers. There’s a window above the bed. A bathroom door stands on one end of the room, an entrance door on the other.
PROPS – Chinese finger trap – Can with spring-up worm – Fishing rod with fake $100 bill – Sign: “I am the Second Coming” – Sign: “I am Lord of Lords” – Sign: “I am Jesus” – Backpack – Pen, Homework – Bottle of Wine – Water Bottle – Legal Pad – Spray Bottle – Three Books – Fast Food Bag, Chicken Nuggets, Fruit Bar, Fries – Jacket – 30 cigarette packs – Vacuum Cleaner – Storybook – Lamp – Umbrella – Oscar Statuette – Cameras – Phone
MUSIC – “Who Are You,” by The Who https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5kmCgVhADY – “Don’t You Know Who I Think I Am” by Fall Out Boy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=99As-bdjKFM – James Bond Theme https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ii1tc493bZM – “I Don’t Wanna Walk Around With You,” by the Ramones https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MG1QMoZdj8 – “Why Am I The One,” by Fun. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_lhJ3I2JbY – “Rondeau from Suite of Symphonies,” by Mouret https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hovXaCKcNs8 – “Three Pretenders,” by Kanas https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMaEAyNev8Q – “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles),” by the Proclaimers https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2T0P6F-wk4 –