The Son, The Son, and The Son: Scene 3 (Part 1)

Scene 1 here! Scene 2 here!

SCENE 3

 

“Why Am I The One,” by Fun, plays. Apartment Lights up. CONWAY reads a book and PEARL meditates. ORSON pushes the door open and enters, wearing a jacket bulging with cigarette packs. He sits down and begins emptying out the jacket. PEARL approaches him and mimes a polite request for a cigarette. ORSON glares at him. CONWAY approaches ORSON, but backs down from the glare as well. ORSON takes all of the cigarettes out of a package, pulls out a lighter, and lights all of them together. He inhales all of them at once. Music ends when ORSON begins a loud, extended coughing fit. Once he’s finished, ORSON then inhales again. The smoke detector goes off. ORSON runs to under the detector and smacks it repeatedly with his cigarette hand, shouting incoherently as he goes. SABINA runs out of the bathroom, her make-up only half-applied, to turn off the fire alarm. She snatches the cigarettes from ORSON and throws them in the toilet within the bathroom.

SABINA

Who gave you money for cigarettes?

ORSON

I made those cigarettes! And I made the 24-7 store too! Don’t tell me what to do!

SABINA

I just find them an immoral practice. It’s poison-

ORSON

Oh shut up! You know who decides what’s moral and what’s not?

CONWAY, ORSON, PEARL

Me!

CONWAY

Well, I enjoy smoking as much as anybody. Smokers can do what they want.

PEARL

Indeed. I appreciate cigarettes not because of nicotine or other chemicals, but because they allow throat transference to the cosmic stream, they represent civilizations and its price wherewithal, and because they resonate and remain relevant in those symbolisms explained.

SABINA

So. How does one decide what’s moral or what’s not?

Orson. I would like to talk with you.

PEARL

Do not listen to this lying woman, friend. She insists on antagonizing us to flatten our rise into knowledge. This dreadful week reveals her impatience.

CONWAY

She just wants to help you.

ORSON

Well I don’t need it!

SABINA

How am I lying to you?

PEARL

I know everything. I am a doctor. You want to see our beings deflated so you-

CONWAY

So, Mr. Pearl. Which Spanish author invented the picaresque novel?

PEARL

I recently conversed that subject with some friends today. I hope she… no. You killed him.

SABINA

I beg your pardon?

PEARL

He was the most brilliant being in a millennia, and you emptied out his insides!

SABINA

Who?

PEARL

The vacuum cleaner!

SABINA

You dug through my vacuum cleaner? I mean, I apologize.

PEARL

Oh, we conversed so this week! He expelled knowledge when I shook it. They rightfully worshipped my divinity as their originator, the image they are formed in! He stimulated my intellect! He stimulated me!

SABINA

I didn’t know you were a vacuum cleaner.

PEARL

I told you. I’m a doctor, not a vacuum cleaner.

SABINA

Conway, what do you think about the voice from Pearl’s friend?

CONWAY

Pearl, the vacuum cleaner couldn’t have been a stimulating conversationalist. If he originated from you, what could he say that you don’t know?

PEARL

When as deep in the cosmic stream as his mind was, he knew everything about me, including what he knew I knew in a previous future. You know the price of sin. Soon, an earthquake shall swallow you up, and you shall be turned into a midget.

SABINA

I think Orson would like you to stop disturbing him.

PEARL

You called my friend a ‘voice’ to Conway. You will not melt Orson’s mind.

ORSON

I don’t need help melting my mind!

CONWAY

What could you even do? I’ve never seen any of your miracles. How do I know-

PEARL

I am too humble to interject myself in such phantasmagoric demonstrations of power.

But if you desire a representation of my massive, towering omniscience, I shall lift that bed!

PEARL squats and concentrates on the bed.

CONWAY

I don’t see-

PEARL

It is moving in the cosmic stream.

 

SABINA

Conway, I would appreciate it if you watched for a bit. (To ORSON) May we talk?

ORSON

Fine. I give up.

SABINA

I’m sorry their shouting upset you.

ORSON

I forgive you. I didn’t want them to talk about how earthquakes work. I already know how.

SABINA

Could you explain it to me?

ORSON

I made them.

SABINA

So you know how they work.

ORSON

Kind of. I didn’t remember what I was doing, most of the time, when I made Earth. It was boring.

SABINA

Is it like-

ORSON

Would you quit bugging me about my past? It’s all week like this. I don’t need to explain myself.

SABINA

We don’t have to talk about you. Should we talk more about your parents? What were they like?

ORSON

I wrote a story about them. Would you like to hear it?

SABINA

I would love to.

ORSON steps in front of the closing curtains. He picks up a storybook.

ORSON

I wrote a story about my mother Mary and my father Frank. That’s right, a story. You kids don’t know what stories are these days. I didn’t return to earth after my resurrection to see my name in a hashtag. How do you even get on the Internet Explorer? Who’s Alt? Why do I need to control him? Does ‘delete’ mean you deleted the ‘W’ from Walt? I’m your Lord and Savior, and even I don’t get it. The Indian on the phone was very rude to me about computers. I cursed him to a thousand years of eternal torment in a history class. That’ll teach him! No one beats Custer and gets away with it! Where was I? That’s right, my story.

FRANKLIN enters with book and lamp.

ORSON

“Once upon a time, there was a good man named Franklin Argall. Franklin lived a big life. He fought in the Great War. He played jazz in Harlem. He joined the Communist Party so he could steal all their food at the annual picnic. Yes, it seemed that Franklin did everything a man could do.

“Even though Franklin was a great man, nobody seemed to like him. They called him ‘rambling’ and ‘crazy’ and ‘schizophrenic.’ Franklin was sad. He wanted to be everything he could be. He could travel anywhere in the world without moving his feet. He could feel fireworks in his eyes when no one else could. But it seemed he couldn’t be liked.

“His only friend was the radio, who told him about the world and would answer any question he asked. But the radio wasn’t the only person to talk to him. One night, another voice chimed in.”

LAMP

Franklin Argall.

FRANKLIN

Who said that? Radio? Are we under attack?

LAMP

This is the lightbulb, Franklin. You are fraternizing with the enemy.

FRANKLIN

How could that be? I’m just reading this wonderful new book called “Mary Poppins.”

LAMP

That is the enemy. Listen close. People love Mary Poppins instead of you. There is only one solution. You must kill Mary Poppins.

FRANKLIN

Why?

LAMP

What?

FRANKLIN

We just met. Just because you’re a voice, that doesn’t mean you’re credible. No offense.

LAMP

You talk to a radio!

FRANKLIN

And we have a blast! You know me, I’m a sucker for learning about new places.

LAMP

You have hurt my feelings, Franklin. Do you understand why you must follow everything I say?

FRANKLIN

I do not, sorry.

LAMP

(annoying screech)

FRANKLIN

Please stop! That is quite annoying!

LAMP

That is what you will hear for ever and ever if you do not obey my commands!

FRANKLIN

Ok! I’ll kill Mary Poppins! How do I do it?

LAMP

I don’t know!

FRANKLIN

You don’t know?

LAMP

I am a lightbulb!

FRANKLIN

Should I travel to London again? Wait for the East Wind? What?

LAMP

(annoying screech)

FRANKLIN

Ok, ok! You’re quite convincing, as lightbulbs go.

ORSON

“Frank began by asking around the soup kitchens he ate each meal in. One of the volunteers mentioned a beggar lady on 7th Avenue that called herself Mary Poppins. Franklin Franked- Thanklin fanked- thanks Franklin- Franklin gave his thanks to the volunteer, and set off to assassinate the world’s greatest nanny.”

MARY POPPINS enters.

ORSON

“Franklin found Mary Poppins on 7th Avenue. She was jumping up and down on a chalk drawing. She was the most beautiful woman Franklin had ever seen. He was so awestruck by her feathered hat and perfume smell that he forgot his mission. Instead, he declared, ‘You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen! Will you marry me?’ Mary Poppins said, ‘Of course!’”

FRANKLIN

You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen! Will you marry me!

MARY POPPINS

Go fuck a horse!

Continued in Scene 3 Part 2.

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2 thoughts on “The Son, The Son, and The Son: Scene 3 (Part 1)

  1. Pingback: The Son, The Son, and The Son: Scene 2 | Word Salad Spinner

  2. Pingback: The Son, The Son, and The Son: Scene 3 (Part 2) | Word Salad Spinner

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