Those Who Leave Everything In God’s Hands Will Eventually See God’s Hand In Everything: A Skit in 5 Parts

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“Those Who Leave Everything In God’s Hands Will Eventually See God’s Hand In Everything,” Part 1

 

MAN 1, facing away from audience, holds a box at waist length. MAN 2 enters.

 

MAN 2

…dude?

 

MAN 1

Hey. I think it’s stuck.

 

MAN 2

Ah. Well, God wills it.

 

IMMEDIATE BLACKOUT

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Blue Collar Poetry Analysis

The following is a monologue for one actor, written by T.J. Green and Nick Edinger

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What’s up, my fellow poets? It’s me, Frank Loquacious. Today, I’ll like to share with you one of the best pieces of work by E.E. Cummings: “Spring is like a perhaps hand.”

 

Spring is like a perhaps hand

(which comes carefully

out of Nowhere)arranging

a window,into which people look(while

people stare

arranging and changing placing

carefully there a strange

thing and a known thing here)and

changing everything carefully

 

Now that’s some good shit right there.

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The Average Trilogy

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PART ONE: Average Man, Average Kid, Average School

 

There are two seats facing the audience at centerstage. MAN is already sitting down when the lights go up. He mimes opening a car door. KID enters, sits next to MAN, and closes the car door.

 

MAN

Good afternoon, my average son. How was your average private school?

 

KID

It was exquisitely average.

 

MAN begins driving his car.

 

KID

I received average grades on my average chemistry test. I had run-ins with an average bully.

 

MAN

Oh no. Did you report him to your average principal?

 

KID

No, I just got into an average fight.

 

MAN

That’s not an acceptable solution. Average violence won’t solve average problems.

 

KID

I know. That’s why I finished the fight with an average punch.

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Caveman Grammar Police

 

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For the record, I wrote this skit without knowing about the Cyanide and Happiness strip. Preemptive defense ENGAGE!

CAVEMAN A sits on stage right, trying to set a piece of paper on fire by rubbing a stick between his palms. CAVEMAN B and CAVEMAN C walk in from stage left. CAVEMAN B carries a dead animal gored on a spear.

 

CAVEMAN B

(describing and pantomiming the great hunt he just took part in)

Uh jup hwat feet ja… ooo da ug! Fa tawat hacha uff uff! Sa wan a… whopa! Aug ma fa hoot hoot!

 

CAVEMAN C

(amazed, wanting to know how CAVEMAN B survived)

Waaa… ugg ne ha?

 

CAVEMAN B

(boastful)

Ugg ne ha? Nog nug fe gaaa… fa huwat! No ack ung bonk gronk!

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How Do Writers Dress?

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If you google “how do writers dress,” the first result basically paints writers as hipsters. “Writers always wear glasses” “Writers put on a nostalgic-smelling cologne!” “Writers avoid stereotypes in their words, NOT in their dresser drawers!” I’m not interested in repeating clichés that don’t even apply to me, let alone apply to you. So let’s do something different. I’ll list articles of clothing that you can wear when you’re seriously sitting down to write… and then I’ll list what you’re going to wear anyways. SPOILER WARNING: I’ll mostly keep men’s’ fashion in mind while typing this, because I want to maintain a weekly limit to how often I make a fool of myself.

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